1836 Makes its Own Splash to Counter Beckham Signing

The Houston 1836 obviously did not want the avalanche of momentum that has coincided with their thrilling MLS Cup victory to be forgotten in the minds of the American Soccer Fan. Concerned that the L.A. Galaxy's recent signing of global superstar David Beckham would tilt the focus of the American soccer world too far to the West, the 1836 made a free agent splash of its own today, signing Andy Richter to a four-year, incentive-laden contract. Richter is expected to spend most of his time in the goal due to his rather plump physique and his troublesome chain-smoking habit. Richter's agent states that there are several creative clauses in his client's deal with the 1836, including a requirement that the halftime orange slices be soaked overnight in Grey Goose and that the postseason awards banquet be held at The Men's Club rather than its usual location, Mr. Gatti's Fun World off of FM 1960.