Prepare for some Turbulence - We're Tracking Richard Justice

While credibility, consistency and accuracy are not exactly part of his repertoire, the Chronicle's lead bullcrap artist, Richard Justice, sure is good at keeping the reading public off-balance. I guess stirring the pot is considered more important than eloquent prose or thoughtful analysis at the Chronicle. Let's pick Houston's #1 lightning rod at the moment: David Carr. How does Richard feel about David Carr? Eliminating single-game critiques of his play, let's take a look at Richard's thoughts on DC. Take a couple Dramamine - it's going to be a bumpy ride.

October 20, 2006: "Kubiak has made mistakes, too. His first one may have been to stick with David Carr. If you're an optimist, you can see Carr someday being a functional quarterback on a winning team. It's impossible to see him being more than that. If he was going to be a franchise player, we should know by now. He has played in 65 games. It's not going to happen." Remember that 65 games part, and the part that Carr's ceiling is that of a "functional quarterback".

October 16, 2006: David Carr is a "difference maker".

October 4, 2006: David Carr is "improved".

September 24, 2006: David Carr has been "close to what the Texans hoped [he'd] be." In this same post, Richard does not "want to be told about" Carr's QB rating, noting his lost fumble, interception and multiple batted down passes against the Redskins. We did not want to be told for the 800th time about that one night that you saw Mike Flanagan noodling Herb Winningham in the Orioles locker room, so we just turned off the radio. I recommend trying that exit strategy. Oh, but before we move on, about the fumble, interception and batted down passes? Was that what the Texans were hoping for exactly when they drafted David #1 overall five years ago, Richie?

September 17, 2006: Mr. Stats dug up this gem: "David Carr's quarterback rating was higher than Peyton Manning's." Thank you, Elias. I also heard some player on the Astros is closing in on a milestone? Can you dig that one up?

September 10, 2006: According to RJ, Gary Kubiak deserves our patience when it comes to developing David Carr. I might be wrong, Dickie, but I thought (a) we'd know by now (after all, it's been 65 games) that Carr's a keeper, (b) he's going to be functional at best and (c) he is a difference maker. Hmmm...my head needs a scratch.

September 2, 2006: According to RJ, there are some "lingering questions" about David Carr.

August 22, 2006: Just like all professional journalists, RJ stays above the fray by posting this gem in response to a critical commenter: "I dare you to go find one unfair sentence I've ever written about David Carr. I'm a huge Vince Young fan. I've made no secret of that. However, Gary Kubiak believes he can win with David and deserves the chance to try. What I've written about David is the following: we don't know how good he can because he has never had a chance to succeed; at the same time, there have been very few moments in which he has looked like he's going to be the guy. I think you wrote this post before reading my column. If you do that again, you won't be allowed to come in here and play with the adults." If you're "the adults", RJ, then I'll take a rain check.

July 26, 2006: From his ten predictions: "David Carr will have a fine season."

June 13, 2006: From his appropriately named "10 things you can count on...maybe", there's this nugget: "David Carr will establish himself once and for all as an [sic] first-rate NFL quarterback."

April 13, 2006: Richard recommends that the Texans trade Carr because "they don't yet know how good he is" though they have had "four years invested in [Carr]." Why would you trade a QB who is going to "establish himself once and for all as an [sic] first-rate NFL quarterback?" Oh, but since an optimist could only believe that Carr is going to develop into a "functional" QB, I guess you would trade him, obviously. Wait, functional, at best? Difference maker? Trade him? First rate? AAARRGGHHHH!!!!

March 1, 2006: "If David Carr gets better coaching and more weapons around him, he might do great things." In other news, if I shave my head and write with my pen in my mouth, I can get a job at the Chronicle as their featured columnist.

February 19, 2006: In response to a commenter's question asking just what the hell anyone sees in David Carr anyway, Justice answers snidely, "That's easy." Of course it is, Richie, that's why you've been so steady in your support (or it is criticism, I forget) of the Texans' QB. Justice goes on to rave about Carr having "most of the physical gifts you'd want in a quarterback", "a big arm" and that Carr is "plenty athletic enough." Oh, and remember those 65 starts Dickie mentioned in today's paper, saying that we would already know by now if Carr was worth a damn? Back in February, Carr's 59 starts (through 2005) give him "experience", enable him to "be familiar with the speed of the NFL game" and allow him to have "seen enough NFL defenses to know the lay of the land." That's not all, though. "I'm betting a lot of top offensive coaches would love to build around David Carr." Of course you are, RJ. That's why you're trading him. Or are you? Hold on a second, I need to wipe the barf off of my keyboard. I guess the Dramamine is wearing thin.

February 18, 2006: Justice is told that "a long list of teams" would love to have Carr. I wonder if that same secret, unnamed source who gave Richard that brilliant scoop on the Orioles/Astros trade?

February 16, 2006: Speaking of great sources, Dickie reported today that the Texans are seriously thinking of drafting Vince Young AND keeping David Carr. Yep - that's got to be the same source from Baltimore. I have a source who says that every Wednesday at 8:00, Justice is going to talk over John and Lance on Sports Radio 610 and tell the same three terrible stories about Earl Weaver, Joe Gibbs and Mack Brown like he has never told them before and at 8:01, I am switching on my XM Radio for the rest of my ride to work.

February 14, 2006: "Is there a case to be made for keeping David Carr? Absolutely."

February 10, 2006: Answering his own question about whether or not keeping David Carr would be a mistake, Dickie J answers, "Yes, a huge one." Wow.

Okay, that's all I can stomach. I feel like I just deboarded one of the Thunderbirds in town this weekend for the air show.