H-Town Sports

Houston Sports Blog - Real sports cities have TWO Conference USA teams

Friday, June 23, 2006

Time to Vent a Little...

I am just now beginning to recover from last night's epic duel between Roger Clemens and Frank Liriano. I chiefly blame my poor decisions regarding alcohol intake for the slow turnaround, but I digress. Accompanied by loyal H-Town Sports reader and long-suffering Cubs fan Bert (thanks again for the ticket), we had a great view of the diamond from Section 109. Rather, we would have had a great view of the diamond if it wasn't for the myriad assclowns that insisted on getting in and out of their seats, up and down the aisle, at random times in the middle of the action. I came disturbingly close to committing a homicide several times.

It's really simple, people: There is no excuse for getting up any time in the middle of any sporting event minus a cardiac episode or a screaming baby. Wait until a break in the action (e.g., half-inning, timeout, etc.) to leave or return to your seat. Didn't your fathers ever teach you how to behave at a game? It's common freaking courtesy.

But then I started looking around, and a profound realization hit me. These people weren't baseball fans. They were just there because it was the hip place to be last night. There were surely thousands of real Astros fans who would've killed to be there to support the team, but the same clueless morons who gobble up the tickets to every high profile athletic event were there instead. These people only go to games when it's the cool thing to do. These people couldn't name three guys on the Astros' current roster. These people should be at home sipping merlot and discussing how the Rockets really blew it by taking Reggie Williams instead of Mario Bush. I hate these people.

As I was focusing my ire, Joe Mauer stepped to the plate. And sure enough, a couple of the clueless patrons behind us busted out with this exchange:

Idiot One: "Hey...who's this Mauer guy?"
Me (silently seething): Are you freaking kidding me? He's leading the majors in hitting! He's a former No. 1 draft pick! He's one of the best young players in the game! Please, friend of Idiot One, say any of the above to highlight the idiocy of your compatriot.
Idiot Two: "Never heard of him. But look at that average. He's pretty good."
Me (speechless, enraged, and nearly choking on my own tongue): ...
Idiot One: "Yeah, that's pretty high. That means he gets on base almost 40% of the time."
Me (vainly searching for a sharp object with which to stab the two asshats): "Sweet Mariah. I'm actually getting dumber listening to Bill James' illegitimate offspring."

If there is a God, He will see to it that people like that are habitually struck down every time they try to enter a stadium. Or He'll start speaking to me directly, thus giving me a foolproof insanity defense when I go on a killing spree at Minute Maid Park, Toyota Center, or Reliant Stadium.

That said, a few quick observations from last night's game:

1. Is there any pitcher you'd rather have for the next five years than Francisco Liriano? Me neither.
2. Clemens fell behind in the count far more often than he usually does, but his ability to battle back amazed me. As much as I hate to say it, Scott's analysis of him needing a few starts to get it together is probably dead on.
3. I think Ensberg is hurt a lot worse than he's saying. His swing just isn't the same since the injury.
4. Nice to see Garner throwing Lane back out there. The 'Stros need him in the line-up.
5. I still don't know how Trever Miller has a job pitching in the major leagues.


Blogger Scott said...

Guess I'm glad that I listened to the game on the radio while mowing my yard.

1. Liriano < Kazmir? Liriano > Santana? I agree with you. Can you believe that the Twins plucked Santana AND Liriano (not to mention Nathan) from other organizations. Makes he happy as a Reds fan to have Wayne Krivsky as GM (Arroyo, Phillips...good start).

2. The Rocket in the #3 slot sure beats Wandy, but he just has to be too fine with his location to last deep into ballgames on a consistent basis.

3. Ensberg may be hurt, but I have felt for a long time that he's a gimmicky kind of hitter. I think word's just spread around the league on how to pitch him, and the word's apparently accurate.

4. Lane should play everyday. Unless H. Pence is en route from Corpus Christi.

5. I'd say it must be Garner's obsession with having at least one totally ineffective, slop-tossing lefty in his bullpen at all times.

Fri Jun 23, 04:49:00 PM  
Blogger Tim said...

That trade of A.J. Punchedinthefaceinzki for Liriano, Bonser, and Nathan may be the worst trade ever made in the history of sport.

Fri Jun 23, 05:05:00 PM  
Blogger Ted Bosquez said...

Tim - you really need to learn how to stay calm about these situations - you are pushing yourself into an early grave by virtue of the physiological stress you are placing upon yourself via a hard-drinking, Astros-loving, Texans-suffering, and soon to be worshipping JJ Reddick lifestyle.

Though, if you kick the bucket, I have first rights to Watcha' Talking About Willis McGahee. Ted

Sat Jun 24, 06:23:00 AM  
Blogger Tim said...

Agreed, Ted. The Horns, Texans, Astros, Rockets, and Lady Coors have taken years off my life. But better to gloriously shine for a brief time than to fade away. Remember those words for my eulogy, which will likely be delivered sometime during the 2007 NFL season.

Sat Jun 24, 11:05:00 AM  

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