No Dice on James

Mike James shocked most people (who admittedly have nothing else going on in their lives because baseball is on break and therefore been forced to follow stupid free-agent "chases" involving mere role players) by choosing to sign with the Minnesota Timberwolves. James, who is clearly fed up with having to talk to his agent on a daily basis about a guaranteed multi-million dollar contract to play basketball, described his misery:

"I want to get back to just me, get all the nonsense out of the way. This ain't fun. I'm not for sale. I've been telling people that from beginning all I want to be is a basketball player. I'm still not appreciated."

Mike, I promise you nothing, if not this solemn vow - I will appreciate you...if you will just slip quietly back into the night from whence you came. You have my permission to "go back to just [you]."

Then there is this beauty, not so subtly included by Jonathan Feigen:

"James, who said last week that getting traded by the Rockets would in no way influence his decision, turned down the Rockets' offer to return to his adopted hometown."

and

"Carroll Dawson (the Rockets general manager) said to me a story about how bad he wanted to get me. When I left Detroit, he really wanted me, really wanted me. This trade fell through, that trade fell through then he finally got me (from the Bucks in exchange for Reece Gaines and a second-round pick.) The only question I had was, 'then why did you trade me? I wasn't a bad kid. I'm a family man, first one in gym, last to leave. That was the question I had. They can trade me. Whenever they're ready to get rid of me, they can get rid of me. You're in a rhythm, the kids are in school, and they say 'go somewhere else, pack up and go' with no repercussions to it. Another school, another place to live, another way to live. You have to go shopping because you were in a hot place and traded to Antarctica."

Clearly, the Rockets were at fault for refusing to include a "trade kicker" in a contract involving such a stable, loyal player. The weather should be much more balmy in the Twin Cities this winter. Here's hoping your Escalade breaks down, MJ. You're a selfish, no-good clown, and I am personally very relieved that the Rockets are not going to be burdened by your Globetrotter-esque dribbling exhibitions. If this monotonous basketball gig falls through, you'll always have a position open at the Toronto Chamber of Commerce, I'm sure.