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Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Gallo--Heir to the Missile

UPDATE (07/07/05)--As if spurred on by my post, Garner again inserted Mike Gallo into the game last night. He faced two batters, one of whom was admittedly the always-tough Robert Fick. Gallo's statline for the night, you ask?

M. Gallo--0.1 IP, 1 H, 1 R, 1 ER, O BB, O SO, O HR, 13 PC (9 S), and a paltry 10.80 ERA.

What exactly is his purpose? To wear down the opposing team by letting them sprint all over the basepaths? I'm actually a bit peeved that Garner didn't let him try to work out of the jam. I would have had material for another month.

Despite Kentucky Scott's attempt to brand me a Mike Gallo fan, I do not think there is anyone on the current roster that I despise more. For Mike Gallo, in the great tradition of Houston's terrible middle relief (notably excepting the Lidge/Dotel set-up for Wagner that Houston enjoyed in 2003), is truly the closest thing we have to Dan Miceli on the 2005 squad. Actually, such a comparison may be unfair--to Miceli. At least that guy had a couple of solid months before self-immolating like a monk protesting the invasion of Vietnam.

Any time Gallo steps to the bump, I feel a tangy cocktail of vomit, dread, and vomit rising in my throat. Last night, I almost had a seizure when I saw him take the field, even with a five run lead. It was like a flashback to a horrible car accident. Doesn't anyone remember Jimy Williams' cruel indictment of Gallo in 2004 spring training? It was something to the effect of, "Gallo's too young to be a lefty specialist." Well, like a lot of things, Jimy almost got it right.

In reality, as Scott's post so eloquently notes (it actually pained me to type that), Gallo is too terrible to be any sort of specialist. He is a gas can, pure and simple. Phil Garner might as well pour diesel on the mound at MMP and light a match before he calls on Gallo. Aside from doing those terrible William Hung impressions on the jumbotron at MMP last year, he has contributed nothing but heartache to the Houston faithful. Damn you, Gallo. Damn you straight to Corpus.


Blogger Scott said...

"vomit, dread and vomit..." and "self-immolating" in the same post. I'm as speechless as Garner is clueless. Next thing you know, Garner will bring Lamb into play first and move Berkman to the OF as a "defensive" move. Oh wait, that actually happened last night...

Thu Jul 07, 11:12:00 AM  

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