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Houston Sports Blog - Real sports cities have TWO Conference USA teams

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

City of Houston - Happy Holidays From a Dallas Fan

I feel your pain, City of Houston. The Houston Texans have struggled this year. Vince Young is playing football for the former Houston Oilers. The Astros off-season moves have made you wonder whether the franchise is secretly run by the Chicago Cubs front office. Trust me...I care about you.

The Holiday Season should be a time of happiness and family where cookies are laid out for Santa Claus, gifts exchanged, and trees glow brightly with all manners of trinkets and lights. For this reason, though I am a Dallas Cowboys fan, I, in the spirit of this Holiday Season, offer to you a few gifts that Houston should recognize and treasure. Consider this a small gesture of goodwill from Dallas Cowboys fans all around the world. In no particular order:

(1) DeMeco Ryans – It cannot be argued that Mr. Ryans was among the greatest steals of this past draft. It is not enough to simply observe that with 135 tackles on the season, Mr. Ryans is currently ranked second among NFL defenders for total tackles and that he is clear favorite for Defensive Rookie of the Year Honors. He is, even to an admittedly biased Dallas Cowboys fan, a fantastic talent that should be a Pro Bowl selection this year. The City of Houston should be thankful that the gods of the NFL draft took pity on your hapless program and gave you a man-child that should be the heart and soul of the Houston Texans defense for years to come.

I can only whimsically wonder how the City of Houston would have responded if a certain No. 10 had been drafted with the first pick. Imagine, purely as a hypothetical exercise, a Texans offense led by Vince Young, who would have weapons like Johnson and Moulds at his disposal. It sure would have been swell to have had both the Offensive and Defensive Rookie of Year award winners out of the past draft class as well as a much anticipated playoff spot. Oh well. At least you had Ryans – and he has 136 tackles – wait, he only has 135 - I’m sorry I gave him credit for one extra tackle – I think it must have been the one in overtime he missed as a certain Superman raced 39-yards to glory.

(2) The Concept of the First Down – I am not a particularly well-traveled individual, but I dare say that communities celebrate different things. In some cities, the citizens have a Founder’s Day or a Multi-Culturalism Day. In other cities, sports fans have victory parades honoring the Super Bowl Champions, World Series Champions, or NBA Champions. Of course, the number of championship that are available in a given year is a finite and relatively small number. So, in the case of NFL cities, some less fortunate communities still find a cause for happiness in the touchdown. Pyrotechnics and gaudy electronic graphics salute the team for capping a fine drive. Players will do their dance, Ocho-Cinco style, and coaches will pump their fists into the air knowing that their offense has physically manhandled or skillfully outmaneuvered the opposing defense. Ladies and gentleman, the touchdown is for all intents and purposes an illustration of America’s greatness. God Bless America!

Then, there is the City of Houston, where touchdowns are so scarce that when they occur the casual observer will scoff and treat the event with skepticism like a scientist examining the footprints of the Yeti or a grainy photo of Bigfoot. No, the touchdown might as well be as common an occurrence as Haley’s Comet for the Houston Texans and their fans.

Ladies and Gentlemen, thus I introduce you to the concept of the first down. Yes, the successful movement of a ball ten yards from the original line of scrimmage. Or better yet, by virtue of a penalty. Sure, it doesn’t put points on the board and it won’t make ESPN highlight reels, but beggars can’t be choosers. This Holiday Season, I for one will be thankful that some thoughtful rule-maker in NFL years past crafted up the idea of the first down and gave the City of Houston something to celebrate, if somewhat sparingly, on Sundays. That’s another Houuuuuuston Texxxxaaaaannnnsss...First Doooowwwwnnnn!!!!

(3) Drew Bledsoe – I know you are wondering why I would include Drew Bledsoe among the City of Houston’s gifts this holiday season. It’s simple. Drew Bledsoe is only the reason that certain Houston Texans fans are still alive today. I have a friend, who for the purposes of anonymity I shall refer to as Tim, who was more than a bit distraught with the 34-6 outcome of a certain game on October 15, 2006. I dare say he is a good friend despite his allegiances and as such, I would certainly miss his company should he meet an untimely end. Now, Tim has suggested that at times this year he has come frighteningly close to standing in a full bathtub and dropping a toaster in the water to end the misery that has been the 2006-2007 Houston Texans season. While greatly amused by this mental image, I would never want this to occur, and I am sure that the great City of Houston would not want to lose one of its finest in a fit of Phillip Buchanon inspired depression.

Thus, the City of Houston and I should appreciate the gift that was Drew Bledsoe, because I can only assume that if Tony Romo had been the starting quarterback that fine October day two months ago that the score could have been even more one-sided, and this blog would be almost exclusively the pulpit for Scott and his world views.

Houston, have a safe and wonderful Holiday Season! I hope you all spend a lot of time with your families, because you have no excuse not to. It’s not like you have to travel for a playoff game.


Blogger Ted Bosquez said...

In response to concerns raised by individuals associated with this Blog, I have been directed to issue the following statement:

"I...exercising my own free will...without any manner of direct or indirect forms intimidation, threats, or blackmail...recognizing that the United States of America is built upon notions of free expression, thought, and speech...celebrating the clear and distinct differences between the United States of America and fascist regimes throughout human history...embracing diversity of thought, political opinion, values, morals, religious beliefs, race, religion, creed, age, height, weight, left-handed vs. right-handed, near-sighted vs. far-sighted, Windows OS vs. Apple OS, Nintendo vs. Sega, dog vs. cat, cat vs. mouse, mouse vs. cheese, cheesy romance vs. drama, and drama vs. reality, reality vs. reality sucks...recognizing that we a nation of and under law hereby offer to the public that preceded us and will follow us be they human or monkeys that have learned to speak and have imprisoned Charlton Heston...do hereby announce that effective immediately at the stroke of midnight before the witching hour a fortnight from last night, but before the solstice that it is entirely possible and improbable that a Dallas Cowboys fan can and can't be in favor of burning and not burning the City of Dallas to the ground save for Texas Stadium which really isn't in Dallas, but is close enough that one should consider the possibility that the fire could spread."

Submitted Faithfully and With Respect, Ted Bosquez

Compassionate Friend to the City of Houston

Tue Dec 19, 06:00:00 PM  
Anonymous gary said...

Consider this a small gesture of goodwill from Dallas Cowboys fans all around the world.

Since it's coming from a Cowboys fan, then by definition it would have to be a "small" gesture.

Tue Dec 19, 09:19:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

True, Gary. Talk about a needlessly wordy, long-winded, and insincere statement. Guess we should expect that from someone who follows the Cokeboys.

Wed Dec 20, 02:42:00 PM  
Blogger Scott said...

The same ghost writer must have handled TO's apology for spitting (allegedly) in DeAngelo's face as wrote Ted's "apology".

Wed Dec 20, 04:39:00 PM  
Blogger Ted Bosquez said...

It was accidental - if Hall and TO can find peace on this issue, who are we to judge?

Wed Dec 20, 06:31:00 PM  

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